today, we’re free
my eyes adjusted to the slow consciousness of waking up before I started wiggling my legs and bolting up with pure joy and excitement. I released an exhilarating sigh of intense relief. A familiar feeling came knocking on my door in the middle of the night, 3:47AM to be exact.
The guest has finally arrived.
I’ve never felt happier to lose my appetite and feel all sorts of body ache. In fact, I’m thinking of celebrating by working my ass off or taking the whole day rotting in bed playing Animal Crossing - either way I know it’ll be a great day. It’s as if an abandoned factory lights up out of nowhere, and every machine started working again. The wheels are turning, the conveyor belts moving — we’re back to business baby.
I’m more than ecstatic to finally get my shit back together. I’ve been holding off on so many projects due to the unforeseen stress that occurred the past two weeks. I wrote another vulnerable and probably a little-too-personal post last time, talking about something vague (that anyone can probably piece together). I’m finally relieved from the shackles of that (quite traumatic) anxiety.
One thing I realized during the past few weeks is that.. the way I write about painful things in my life is completely different from how I normally would when I talk about neutral events and feelings. I’m aware that I can write poems better when they’re angsty, but I didn’t know I write my blogs the same way in deeply distressed situations. Despite not feeling comfortable with sharing such private emotions and occurences in my life, I felt weirdly proud of it; satisfied with the voice that was coming out of me, like an old familiar stranger friend in my mind that I get to meet occasionally when triggered by overwhelming feelings.
Tragedy brings the art out of me, huh.. sounds quite ridiculously funny.
Well, anyway, things are back to normal now and that’s all that matters. I can’t wait to start on everything again, stream peacefully, apply to some jobs, draw lots of illustrations… and probably delete my browsing history.