The season of nostalgia
I woke up this morning with nostalgia knocking on my window.
Perhaps opening it last night as the snow slowly melted on the ground is the culprit. The cold feels like two years ago.
For some reason, the seasons of spring and summer have this very strong and unshakeable nostalgic air that takes me back to the past in an instant. Its gentle, chill breeze feels like a hug that wraps around me like my mother’s unconditional love. I step into this time travelling machine unwillingly, subconsciously.
It’s the same feeling when I listen to music associated with a certain moment in time, but quicker and more aggressive, like I have no choice. Something I can’t control or consent to. It just happens.
It’s the reason I randomly started streaming yesterday, out on a whim, with no signs or plans to. The air just felt right; like it was from a memory. The feelings of excitement and curiosity from two years ago breezed through me, creeped up on me, and whispered in my ears how fun it would be to play and talk to people again. I feel like my 2022 self.
Though from past experiences, it usually takes me back to high school, not recent years. So it’s suprising as hell to me that it’s already registered this fragment of time that happened not too long ago as a core memory in its own. 2022 is in itself a time capsule of my life already. Time is such a strange construct.
I’m not sure if I enjoy this feeling. It’s a bittersweet mix of happy and sad, holding hands like they were star crossed lovers walking to the sunset. I don’t know. It makes my heart feel like bursting - excited and hopeful, but also melancholic and anxious.
I haven’t done anything big this week from my checklist, and I worry I won’t be able to anymore as this air can dictate my emotions at any point in time (I’m already struggling to get up as I write this post laying down.. I just woke up and feel like crying for no reason). It can give me the productivity I need, or a certain kind of yearning that’ll keep in bed for days. I’m not sure how to handle this but I’ll do my best.