The return to something insignificant

Sunday sessions #13

Happy Sunday..?

the days are blurring; haze fills my head like a cloudy afternoon. I haven’t been mentally present in a week or so, hands off the steering wheel fazed and out of control. The week is over and my brain feels like mud. I feel dissociated from the world, like I’m living on auto mode without a single forming thought. I haven’t done anything fulfilling myself nor have I been in the mood to, I slack with my writing and reading and other work, wasting away my days into doomscrolling on the instagram app and Twitter on my fucking phone browser. My daily reels, despite being three days late, is the only project I can still catch up with, but even then i feel like it’s hanging by a loose thread, ready to collapse one of these days. Nothing feels fulfilling, interesting, or satisfying. My brain is rotting. My ideas are dormant. My dreams are dead.

The only thing I managed to accomplish this week is to stream twice. I've confirmed it's my form of escapism and can easily distract my thoughts from all the stress, especially when I'm having fun and performing well in Apex.

With my brain completely turned off, I went ahead and acted on my deep urge to buy games. I've always restrained myself from doing rash things and buying on impulse, but this time I went wild with my primal instincts like I was a hungry wild animal just biting and gnawing on anything delicious that meets its eye. Perhaps it was a rush of adrenaline or dopamine, whatever chemical it's called that gives you a sense of rush and high. I felt like a rebellious kid, something I never experienced in my childhood as I was the typical "good student." I bought five games that will total around $50CAD. It's not that bad I think.

Games I recently bought:

Games I played:

Books I read:

Shows I watched:

I'm kind of tired.

#sunday