on the horrors of the unknown
I’m the author of my life and this is my first horror story.
It’s been almost a week since it started. My palms dripping in sweat; heart thumping like it’s knocking into the door of my common sense, desperately asking for answers on why the familiar, uninvited guest still hasn’t arrived.
Everyday theres a sneaky gradual build-up of stress from the anticipation of something I’ve never had to experience in my entire life. As the days fly by with no sign of good news, my conscience grows impatient, and the slow realization of the possibilities uncovers one of my innate fears that I’m not ready to face yet — in fact I never will be ready at all. A norm that was never my reality could come true, and this thought wreak havoc in my mental whose happiness I’ve sacrificed my financial stability for.
Today Anxiety wraps its arms around me, supposedly comforting me, and yet all it does is squeeze my soft body until my limbs are numb and rendered useless, crushing my will power and every last bit of hope attached to it.
”You don’t need to eat, you’re not hungry anyway,” she says.
Maybe she’s right.
Maybe this is my punishment.
I’ve never been a big fan of scary movies.
But lately life feels like a giant theatre surrounded by empty seats, and yet you still feel like you’re being watched. The light fixtures abruptly cut off, leaving me engulfed in darkness all on my own overtaken by the fear of what is out there.
It’s the total opposite of a jumpscare, in which the clock keeps ticking away unprovoked while I stare at the unknown,
harrowingly still,
completely paralyzed.
I can feel my mind slowly descending into madness, unable to escape the suffocating taunt of time.
Just waiting, waiting, waiting…
It turns out that the anticipation is a lot scarier than seeing the real thing.
I remain a prisoner in my own paranoia— trapped in a haunted house, chained helplessly in the basement. The consequences of my actions haunting my every move, and the single, most dreadful possibility won’t escape my mind;
The horrifying thought that I could be carrying a ghost in my body.