On Happiness Theory
”The good thing about hitting rock bottom, is that there's nowhere else to go but up.”
Through the years of struggling and "rawdogging" my deteriorating mental health with undiagnosed disorders and zero therapy, I’ve spent a whole chunk of my late teenage years and whole adulthood navigating life by myself. I’ve developed my own mental council in which every aspect of life is inspected, judged, and discussed. My introspection grew to the point that I have argued with myself millions of times about anything and everything; my actions, my feelings, my thoughts, my ideas, my lifestyle. It’s helped me function just enough to exist and be an “okay” human being alone, but not enough to be an adult nor a productive member of society.
Cringe quotes from my teenage years helped shape this self interest and pursuit of a “better life” but the struggles in accomplishing anything will keep coming as long as professional help is out of reach.
Here’s a mindset I’ve recently been adapting in my life.
Happiness is a state.
Happiness is a state of emotion that can happen anytime. It does not belong in the future, nor is it promised to exist in it. It cannot be delayed or scheduled, dare I say even controlled. Yes, you cannot force yourself to be happy. I don’t agree with people who say “just can just choose to be happy today” because it is not truly up to you. I think most people clump similar feelings together in one umbrella and just call it “happiness.”
Personally, I believe there is a distinct difference with two feelings in which one is a state and one is a decision: happiness vs contentment.
For most people they think being content is being happy, but I think they are two “related” feelings that are still different. You cannot choose to be happy, but you can choose to be content.
In a similar way that you cannot stop yourself from crying or being angry, but you can choose to forgive. I think forgiveness is an emotion, just as much as it is an action. You can choose not to act upon it or dwell on it for too long.
You can’t force yourself to be happy when you are dealing with crisis or struggling with problems, but you can choose to be content with what you have. You can be unhappy with the current state of your life while being grateful for how far you've come.
The "contentment" keeps you from being miserable in the present, but the "unhappiness" is what keeps you pushing and pursuing greater things in life. This is how they differ.
These couple of years I have felt random outbursts of happiness, most of the times due to perceived progress and good events, and sometimes for no reason at all. During these times I also felt content with life, and thought they ultimately were the same thing. But now I realized the difference and stopped pursuing the state of happiness. I stopped making it my goal to "be happy." I learned that just like any other strong emotion, happiness will come and go, in the present and in the future. I may not be able to control when happiness will come to me, but I can choose to be content today.
I stopped belittling myself and started appreciating my tiny achievements more. I stopped punishing myself for the struggles I had, the shit I couldn't control, the projects I couldn't finish, the emotions, the regrets, the life I couldn't live.
My goal is to choose to be content everyday.
It’s better to live life in the present than to constantly chase the future for a better one. Today is the only day that matters, and the only day that counts.
Similar blog post: On postponing Happiness for the Future