On gaming addiction
I underestimated the effects of this year’s spring air. It’s so strong and unpredictable that I ended up catching an addiction to playing Apex again.
I streamed earlier yesterday, around 2:30pm, and ended stream much later as well which was 8PM or so. Ended stream after 5 hours as I started feeling fatigued and hungry so I ate dinner, went back to my room, and started playing again.
I played for a total of 8 hours give or take, not to mention I was only forced to stop since it was bed time (if I wasn’t I probably would’ve kept going, with an ulcer ache and all that).
Today as I walk on my usual treadmill routine (thank god I was able to get up and do my morning routine first), I can’t stop thinking about how good it felt yesterday. My performance in terms of aiming was more than satisfactory in my eyes (something that rarely happens as I get too critical of my bad aim sense). It wasn't anything grand, I couldn't even get past 500 dmg (and my highest was 1.4k once), but the feeling of focus was there; I was locked in mentally and can feel myself going up in the graph. Not having a camera in my face and just being able to focus without looking at chat definitely helped.
I can’t wait to look at back my recordings and make another montage. I had some nice clips and painful chokes, but overall i felt really obsessed again. Adrenaline rush perhaps. This always happens every time I take a break from Apex for a month or so. I get really into the game and then after a few days the exhaustion creeps in again and I drop it, and the cycle continues. I wonder how long this addiction will last this time. (I’m assuming not for long since I’ll be busy the whole week next week and won’t have time to hop on my computer for some all-day games. It usually disappears once I stop that streak)
Something I’m a little scared of is getting completely sidetracked from my main goals and losing interest in what I’ve established so far (my projects, my websites, my inspirations in the indie web etc). I hope to find a way to incorporate both of the things I love doing and make money off it in a good way.