Blogging comes effortlessly to me.

What I mean is, right now, it’s the only thing I do out of passion with no strings attached.

Maybe it’s because I’m a resident certified yapper. I have so much to say it’s embarrassing. Maybe it’s because I overthink a lot, and then some more, and blogging has become the main outlet to release those thoughts and feelings into physical manifestations thus helping me relieve the overwhelming weight of those thoughts and feel cathartic in the process.
I mean, I've always "dreamed" of blogging since I was a kid, but my activity at the time was drawing so that's what took up most of my hours.

It’s the only thing I never write on my to do list, or plan at all. Everything else in my life I have no motivation for and instead are just words on a checklist, waiting to be done as it has been labeled as “work,” including what used to be my main passion since I was young - drawing, and even an activity that's inherently supposed to be relaxing - gaming.

I feel relieved and excited that I found something that naturally comes to me. I feel liberated from my own prison of productivity. I blog genuinely for myself without caring who sees it or if it rakes in numbers (it's the reason why I don't add any of my socials and other links in this place. My blog is its own entity that exists within its own digital space). I just write whatever comes to mind, and don't brood over the lack of any professionalism or perfection. I write my drafts, rewrite them when I find better ways to describe my feelings, then post. My Obsidian has about a dozen drafts marinating in its own folder, waiting for me patiently to pay attention to it one day.

I don’t dread on not being able to post something, because I only write and post when I feel like it on my own time (but it works out because I write almost everyday as my brain never stops thinking). I don’t care about not receiving comments or likes; no numbers or analytics or whatever metrics (though admittedly the toast button gave me a little bit of anxiety in the beginning). Most importantly, I don’t care if I don’t earn anything from it, be it fame or money - especially money.

This blog is for me; I am finally doing something for me.

I finally found a part of my life that I can share without stressing about monetizing. Everything I do has been clouded by my aspiration to become a content creator. My art, my site, even my time, they are all somehow connected to bringing in income to sustain myself and be able to live. Heck even the little things I do everyday - my habits and routine, the way I dress and talk and walk - have to be carefully curated since I want to start vlogging and posting Youtube videos. My whole existence feels like a money making machine. I mean yeah everything has to be, especially since I don't have a backup job to pay off my little debts.

That's why I'm grateful to get into blogging and claim it as a completely non-profit hobby.

It feels so good to own something that’s actually mine.