The return to something insignificant

more games!

I bought four new games today, that’s a grand total of nine from this week alone. For context, I’ve never bought more than two every couple of months, if not years. I often get them as gifts, so I never really used my own money when acquiring new titles. It’s an insane move for me; I feel like I’m out of my mind buying all these things when I don’t even have a stable income coming in. I feel irresponsible, risky. You can immediately tell I had a boring safe childhood since I find such a simple, insignificant gesture a scary act of defiance.

Achievement unlocked: new games added!

I’ve been playing Chillquarium for a few days now. I must admit I never thought an idle game would get me this invested to keep playing for more than a day or two. I play it more than Spirit City, a gamified productive tool that’s also kind of an idle game, the supposed perfect company for when you’re doing tasks. Instead I have my lil aquarium as my background companion, collecting rare fishes and earning million dollars with its fins.

I’ve always struggled to start a new game. Whether I’m waiting for a “right moment to start” (I know that doesn’t exist but I just never feel ready for some reason), or think I should always use the opportunity to create content by filming myself play it for the first time, which my brain would often find tedious therefore will just reject the whole activity altogether.

Idle games proved to be the antidote to this curse. Because of its afk nature, my brain doesn’t treat it as an actual game worth making content for, therefore I can boot it up whenever I want just for myself to enjoy offline. Chillquarium and Spirit City helped me overcome the problem slowly, now I’m more willing to try these new games instead of letting them rot in my backlog.

The only problem is, despite being an afk game, it can still be a major distraction at work. I always ruin my flow whenever I feel like checking new fishes and buying more cards. The past two days I’ve done nothing but rot in my head again, losing the productive streak I was very proud of. I’m not sure how to get back on track, I’m desperately analyzing my mental patterns and workflows and weaknesses without stopping to think that maybe that was the problem. I’m gonna have to work on it some more and see what’s up.

This is a very random brain dump diary but I felt the random urge to talk about it despite being short and all over the place. I haven’t been writing good shit lately, I hope to find that spark again sometime soon.